[4.2]Love Bites Dog
Love Bites Dog Written by Suzanne Martin
Directed by Jeff Melman
=====================================================================
Production Code: 4.2.
Episode Number in Production Order: 74
Original Airdate on NBC: 24th September 1997
Transcript written on 29th August 2000
Transcript revised on 12th September 2002.
Transcript {Iain McCallum}
[N.B. This episode is the first where Dan Butler's name appears in the
opening credits as a regular cast member.]
Act One
Scene 1 — KACL.
Bulldog is on the phone outside the booth.
Bulldog: Baby, baby. All I'm saying is we should cool it for a while.
What's that saying... er... if you love something, let it go;
if it comes back to you... yadda, yadda, yadda? Yeah, that's
it. Don't get me wrong, I'm really broken up about this.
At this point Frasier walks past and Bulldog shouts at him as he
throws him a tennis ball. Needless to say Frasier tries to catch it,
juggles it like a hot potato then eventually throws his hands up in
despair and goes into his booth.
Bulldog: [still on the phone] Come on now. No tears. I'll never
forget you either, Sandy. Linda? Really? I thought I was
talking to your sister. Oh well, tell her same goes. [hangs
up]
Meanwhile Frasier is in his booth. Roz walks in.
Roz: Hey Frasier, do you have a minute?
Frasier: Yes, of course, Roz. What is it?
Roz: Well, you're not going to like this idea. You're going to
complain and make up excuses and then say no anyway.
Frasier: Those are the very words I would use to woo my dear Lilith.
Roz: OK, here goes. I have this friend and I think you two would
really hit it off...
Frasier: And you were wondering if I might meet her for a drink,
which might lead to dinner, and then after that who knows
where?
Roz: Yes, exactly.
Frasier: [suddenly gets concerned] Ooh, oh Roz. Do you hear that?
Roz: What?
Frasier: If you listen very carefully you can actually hear my skin
crawling!
Roz: I know, blind dates stink. But she's my friend and I'm
worried about her.
Frasier: Oh, Roz.
Roz: When was the last time you were with a woman? Seems like
almost a year.
Frasier: Oh, it has not been that long. I mean, that is a laugh!
Hah! The last time was... [thinking] er... well, let's see...
Well, the tree was still up. Oh, God!
Roz: Her name is Sharon. She's five-seven...
Frasier: Oh Roz, I'm not interested.
Roz: But she's an incredible person. She's smart, she's funny,
she's a former pro-golfer. She just hasn't met the right
guy.
Frasier: A woman golfer. Are we quite certain there is a right guy?
Roz: She dates men.
Frasier: [picks up his briefcase] Not this one.
Roz: She plays chess. She loves your show. [he leaves through the
door] And I know this sort of thing isn't supposed to matter
to people like you but I've seen her in the showers at the gym
and she has a body that makes Bo Derek look like Bo Diddley!
Frasier: [poking his head back round the door] A chess player, did
you say?
Roz smiles and nods.
NOTHING SAYS "I LOVE" YOU LIKE DEEP FLANNEL LININGS
Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment
Martin walks in after taking Eddie for his walk. However, there is
no sign of Eddie. The ankles of Martin's pants are soaked. Daphne
comes through from the kitchen.
Martin: Look at these pants.
Daphne: Oh dear, Mr. Crane. Did Eddie drag you through the puddles
again?
Martin: Every last one of them. [looks outside in the hall] Eddie, get
in here. Eddie, I mean now! [A very sheepish Eddie walks in
slowly, keeping his head down] What am I going to do with you?
My favourite shoes are soaked. Eddie, look at me when I'm
talking to you.
Daphne: You're doing it again.
Martin: What?
Daphne: You're acting like one of those nut jobs in the park who treat
their pets like children.
Martin: Yeah? Well, when you do it outside you're a nut. When you
do it inside it's your own damn business. Eddie, go to your
room! [Eddie runs off]
Daphne: Don't worry about your shoes. I'll get them all dried out
for you.
Martin: Well, I hope. They're not just any shoes, you know. These
are Mocarbies - the most comfortable shoes made. Air-
cushioned in-soles, deep flannel lining. You know, I
remember one anniversary I surprised Hester with a pair
of Lady Mocarbies. I don't remember which anniversary,
but I know it ended with a zero.
Daphne: I don't doubt that!
As Daphne takes off Martin's shoes and heads into the kitchen, Eddie
runs out from the bedroom with Martin's slippers in his mouth.
Martin: Oh, all right, I forgive you. I love you too.
Frasier walks out from his bedroom through to the living room,
dressed in a suit.
Martin: You'll always be my very best boy.
Frasier just walks past with a look of disdain. Martin notices the
suit and whistles at him.
Frasier: You know, Dad, there are some fathers who actually praise
their sons and whistle at their dog?
Martin: New suit, huh? Who's the lucky girl?
Frasier: Well, if you must know I'm meeting a friend of Roz's today
after work, but it's no big deal.
Martin: Well, congratulations. What's it been? A year?
Frasier: It has not been that long!
Martin: I remember the tree was still up.
Frasier storms off into the kitchen where Daphne is busy.
Daphne: Well, look at you all dressed up.
Frasier: Yes, it's a new suit. Yes, I'm meeting a woman. And yes,
it has been a while.
Daphne: Thanks, that reminds me. I have to order my cards.
Frasier: [examining the microwave] Daphne, are you finished here with
the microwave?
Daphne: Oh, no!
She rushes to the microwave and opens the door, releasing a cloud
of smoke just as Martin wanders into the kitchen.
Martin: My Mocarbies!
Daphne: I didn't mean to leave them in there so long.
Frasier: Yes, well, English cooking strikes again!
FADE TO:
Scene Three — Café Nervosa.
Frasier and Niles are sitting at their usual table.
Frasier: Well, I think you should be happy that one of your patients
feels healthy enough to terminate his therapy.
Niles: I would, but it's happened so often lately I find myself in
financial straits. Deep financial straits. Look at this
belt: [opens up his jacket before whispering] Spanish leather!
Frasier: Yes, well if Mr. Blackwell comes in I'll create a diversion,
you can make a dash for it.
Niles: Obviously the time has come for me to expand my practice,
so I'm placing an ad in the Seattle "Style" magazine.
Frasier: An advertisement? Isn't that a bit commercial for a
psychiatrist?
Niles: Said Dr. Pot to Dr. Kettle! Besides, a highly respected
obstetrician on my floor did it and now his waiting room
has more swollen bellies than a Buddhist temple. [laughs
at his joke before handing Frasier the ad] I'm on my way
to call it in. I just wanted to run it by you.
Frasier: All right. [reading ad] "Dr. Niles Crane, Jung specialist.
Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction
guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts." Well, that's just
excellent, Niles. All you're missing now is a very tasteful
cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head!
Niles: Sorry, I didn't hear you. I was too distracted by your face
going by on the side of a bus. [gets up to leave] I'm off.
Roz walks in and sees Niles.
Roz: Hey, wild thing.
Niles: Yes, hello.
Roz: Look, we have on the same belt.
Niles: [horrified] Oh my God!
Niles leaves and Roz goes over to join Frasier.
Frasier: Hi, Roz.
Roz: Hey, Frasier. OK, Sharon's gonna be here any minute.
Frasier: You didn't say anything to her?
Roz: No, not a word. She has no idea this is a set-up.
Frasier: Good, good. Now, listen. If I don't like her I will simply
excuse myself and leave. But if I do like her I will find
some polite and discrete way of hinting to you that you may
go...
Roz: Hi, Sharon!
Roz waves to a stunning leggy blonde that has just walked in.
Frasier: Beat it, Roz!
Sharon comes to join them.
Sharon: Hi, Roz.
Roz: Look who I ran into. My boss — Dr. Frasier Crane. Frasier,
this is Sharon Payton
Sharon: Oh, pleased to meet you. I'm a big fan of your show.
Frasier: Thank you.
Sharon: I'm sure you're tired of hearing that. You probably get it
all the time.
Frasier: Oh, well, not lately!
Roz: Listen, Sharon, I'm so sorry to do this to you but I just
got a call from the office and it's urgent and I have to go.
Sharon: Oh, sure, that's all right.
Frasier: Well, you know, as long as you're here you might as well
join me.
Sharon: That'd be nice.
Roz: OK.
Frasier: Bye, Roz.
Roz leaves.
Sharon: You know, I really do love listening to your show. I think
it's because you have such a soothing voice.
Frasier: [smooth] What a kind thing to say.
Sharon: I even called in once.
Frasier: Really? May I ask what the problem was?
Sharon: Well, I'm terribly competitive, which is great for sports - I
used to play pro-golf — but sometimes it seeps into my
personal life.
Frasier: Ah, well, I don't think that's too great a problem, but if I
were to make a recommendation it might be to start seeing a
therapist.
Both laugh at this. Meanwhile Bulldog has came into the Café and
walks up to their table.
Bulldog: Whoa! Hello, gorgeous.
Frasier: Hello, Bulldog.
Bulldog: Not you. Hey, aren't you gonna introduce me?
Frasier: Well, actually I wasn't, no!
Bulldog: [introducing himself] Bob Briscoe.
Sharon: [shaking hands] Sharon Payton.
Frasier: Yes, good to see you, Bulldog. [trying to push him away]
Don't be a stranger.
Bulldog: Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute. Sharon Payton - I know
you. [grabs the nearest seat that happens to have someone
sitting on it] LPGA. You won the Denver Open in 1992.
Frasier: 1992? You know, that's a fabulous year for a particular
Chambertin I took a shine too...
Sharon: [ignoring Frasier and speaking to Bulldog] I know you too.
You're that guy that says golf is not a sport.
Bulldog: Well, it's not.
Sharon: Really?
Bulldog: Yeah. No cheerleaders, no blood and the only cups involved
are in the ground!
Frasier: You know, this reminds me of a debate I had with my brother
Niles about whether or not Steven Sondheim is really light
opera...
Sharon: You know, I have a theory that people who put down golf do
so because they can't play well.
Bulldog: Is that a challenge?
Sharon: It might be.
Bulldog: If we leave right now we can get in 9 holes.
Sharon: Loser buys dinner.
Bulldog: I got a 9 handicap.
Sharon: You're on. [turns to Frasier] Frasier, would you like to join
us?
Frasier: Well, no, I don't play.
Sharon: Well, it was really nice meeting you.
Frasier: Likewise.
Sharon: I'll get my coat.
She leaves Bulldog and Frasier alone.
Frasier: Bulldog! Roz set this up that I might meet Sharon. Until
you got here things were going in a very positive direction.
Bulldog: Yeah, well, things seem to have changed, haven't they? What
do you eggheads call that? Irony?
Frasier: Is there nothing I can do to appeal to your sense of
decency?
Bulldog: Hey, I have no sense of decency. That way my other senses
are enhanced!
Bulldog walks out with Sharon, leaving Frasier looking particularly
frustrated.
IT'S HAMMER TIME
Scene Four - Daphne's Car
Daphne is busy driving down the street while Martin is in the front
seat still babbling about his shoes.
Martin: ...but the real secret to Mocarbies is that they mold
themselves to the shape of your foot. Now my problem was
always hammer toes. If you had hammertoes you had a hell
of a time buying shoes. But Mocarbies fit over my hammer
toes like a glove. Funny, you know? When you're young
you dream about fame and fortune. When you get to my age
all you really want out of life is a comfy pair of shoes.
Daphne: Right now I'd settle for never hearing the words "hammer toes"
again!
Martin: Hey, don't give me any attitude. Wasn't me that nuked the
Mocarbies.
Daphne: I'm not the one who can't remember where the store is where
you bought the damn shoes.
Martin: Just drive. I'll tell you when to stop... STOP!
Daphne: [braking, looking out the window] Is that it?
Martin: It's a red light! In this country we stop for those.
Daphne: All right, all right.
Martin: Woman driver!
Daphne: Hammer toes!
FADE TO:
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH BULLDOG?
Scene Five - KACL
Frasier is busy in the booth and looks bored. Roz walks in.
Roz: [punching Frasier on the arm] Frasier.
Frasier: What? Oh, oh. Haven't you spoken with Sharon?
Roz: I tried but she wasn't home all weekend. [punching Frasier
on the arm] Frasier!
Frasier: Look, before you snap my behind with a wet towel, last time
I saw Sharon she was leaving Café Nervosa with Bulldog.
Roz: [punching Frasier violently on the arm] Frasier! How could
you let that happen?
Frasier: Well, I don't know. The whole thing was sort of a blur.
We were talking about golf and something called a handicap,
the next thing I know I'm sitting there with a cappuccino
muttering to myself in a very soothing voice.
Roz: I'm sorry.
Frasier: It's all right, Roz. It's just the whole thing catapulted
me back to high school. You know me as an adult, but back
then I was rather an un-athletic, bookish sort.
Roz: [sarcastic] Get out!
Frasier: Jocks were the bane of my existence. They would always call
me a "weenie" and steal all the girls that I wanted.
Roz: Oh Frasier, you must have had some girlfriends.
Frasier: Friends, yeah, yeah. Any time they wanted a sensitive
shoulder to cry on, until some blond-headed pillar of
testosterone would come by and it was, "Bye Frasier, we can
study later." I'd head home to Niles and we'd put on "The
Brandenberg Concertos" and play air violin.
Roz: Jeez, what a couple of Nerdlingers!
Frasier: I suppose you were Miss Popular at High School?
Roz: I would say yes.
Frasier: I'm guessing that explains why, too!
Bulldog walks in looking like the cat that got the cream.
However, his second skin of cockiness seems to be missing.
Bulldog: Hey guys. What a weekend...
Roz: Listen, Bulldog. Sharon is my friend and you'd better not
hurt her!
Bulldog: Hurt? Hurt her? [swaying] I'm crazy about her! I never
felt this way before. You know, on my way to work, all
these songs on the radio suddenly made sense to me? Have
you ever listened to the words to "Time in a Bottle"?
It's so beautiful, man; I had to pull over.
Roz: [horrified] Oh my God. It's in love!
Bulldog: [holding Frasier and Roz's hands] Last night for the first
time in my life I actually said those three little words —
"stay for breakfast."
Frasier: [appalled] You had sex with Sharon?
Bulldog: Doc, please! We "made love." You know what? I gotta call
her. [picks up the phone] No, wait. No, I gotta play hard
to get. [slams phone down] But I miss the sound of her voice.
I'm calling her. [picks up phone] No, wait. It's too needy.
Chicks hate that. [puts phone down] I shouldn't call her.
But I want to! [picks up phone before putting it down again]
Doc, what should I do?!
Frasier: [by now thoroughly mystified] Don't ask me. I don't even
know who you are!
End of Act Two
Act Two
Scene One — The streets of Seattle.
Martin and Daphne are still busy hunting for the shoe store. Martin
is looking into an old shop that is now covered with an iron grille
and has obviously been closed for a while. A homeless man is lying
nearby.
Martin: This was it. This was the Mocarbies store. Now it's gone,
and so are the only shoes I've ever loved.
Daphne: Mr. Crane, look at me. We're talking here about something
that's old and smelly and dirty.
Tramp: Hey!
Martin: Not you. We're talking about Mocarbies.
Tramp: Ah! Great shoes. They used to sell them here.
Martin: What happened to the store?
Tramp: Moved.
Daphne: Do you know where?
Tramp: Yeah. It'll cost you.
Martin: [going into his pocket] How much?
Tramp: Not money. I want a kiss.
Daphne: [horrified] What?
Martin: You heard him.
Daphne: Mr. Crane!
Martin: You heard him. You owe me. It's only a kiss.
Tramp: Not her. [smiles at Martin]
Martin looks terrified and goes to hide behind Daphne who is busy
smiling at him.
FADE TO:
Scene Two — KACL.
Frasier is finishing up his show.
Frasier: This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780 Talk radio.
Niles walks in carrying a magazine.
Niles: I thought you'd never finish.
Frasier: You know, Niles, what say I buy us dinner with a lot of
martinis?
Niles: Sounds great, except for the dinner part!
Frasier: I take it you had a bad day too?
Niles: I had an abysmal day. Remember the ad I placed?
Frasier: Oh yes - "Dr. Niles Crane, Jung specialist," blah blah blah.
Niles: Yes. Well, they've made a tiny little typo. See if you can
find it. [hands Frasier the magazine]
Frasier: [reading] "Dr. Niles Crane..." [a look of realisation]
"Hung specialist." Oh, my!
Niles: The rest they got perfectly. [continues reading] "Servicing
individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed."
[looks at Frasier with a sorrowful face] "Tell me where it
hurts!"
Frasier: Well... any calls?
Niles: It's a telethon, Frasier.
Frasier: Yes. We'll start with double martinis.
Niles and Frasier leave the booth and run into Bulldog, who is on the
phone to Sharon.
Bulldog: Hey Doc, wait a second. I need the name of one of those
fancy restaurants you go to. [into phone] Hey, hi Sharon.
It's me, Bob. I had a great time last night. Listen, how
about dinner tonight? You do? All right, how about tomorrow
night? Hey, it's a good thing I'm not paranoid — I'd think
you were dumping me! [pause] Whoa, I walked into that one!
Yeah, me too. Good luck, Sharon. [hangs up]
Frasier: I'm sorry, Bulldog.
Niles: [placing his hands supportively on Bulldog's shoulders]
Me too. [moves Bulldog away from the phone] I'll call
Francois, see if he can get us a table on the patio.
Pete, Bulldog's producer, sticks his head out of the booth.
Pete: [poking his head out the booth] Ten seconds, Bulldog.
Bulldog: [running into the booth] Oh, right, right.
Frasier: [following him in] Bulldog — are you going to be all right?
Bulldog: Me? Huh, are you kidding? I'm the Bulldog!
He rattles his accessories and sits down to start his show while
Frasier leaves.
Bulldog: Attention, sports fans, you're in the Doghouse! [barks, but
breaks off midway] First, some weekend scores. In football
the Packers crushed the Saints [stuttering] 42 to 10 and the
49ers humiliated [nearly in tears] the Patriots 35 to 7.
And in golf...
Bulldog takes a long pause. By now Frasier has joined Roz and
Pete in the booth and all are looking concerned.
Bulldog: Golf? Hey, golf sucks. Let's go to calls. [puts a caller
through] Hey, you're in the Doghouse. Put on a flea collar!
Bulldog speaks to the caller. Meanwhile Niles rushes into the studio
to speak to Frasier.
Niles: We have the table, Frasier, but Francois says he can only
hold it for ten minutes.
Frasier: [brushing Niles off] In a minute.
Back in the booth:
Jerry: [v.o.] What's up with the rumour that the Seahawks are
thinking of leaving Seattle again?
Bulldog: I have no respect for them, man. Anyone who has their fun,
then they [nearly in tears again] just leave you... hey, to
hell with them, right? We'll get another team. A team that-
a team that will never leave us... [breaks down completely
into tears] ...a team we can love forever.
In the studio:
Roz: You gotta go to commercial.
Pete: I already did.
Frasier: [rushing into the booth] Bulldog, are you going to be all
right? Do you think you can take the show?
Bulldog gets up and runs out of the booth sobbing.
Roz: Wait, Bulldog. We need a tape. Where's "The Best of
Bulldog"?
Bulldog: [weeping] She took the best of Bulldog!
Pete: We got dead air in fifteen seconds.
Roz: Great. OK, I'll go get Bulldog. [turns to Frasier] You take
over the show.
Frasier: Me? A sports show?
Roz: [rushing out] You're the only one here.
Frasier takes his seat and rushes about, putting his headphones on
the wrong way, hitting Bulldog's horn and generally looking
completely lost.
Frasier: OK, sports enthusiasts. This is Dr. Frasier Crane filling in
for Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe. [bangs a cymbal] You're on the air.
Mike: [v.o.] This is Mike. I wanted to talk to Bulldog but you'll
do. So what's your take on the damn Yankees this season?
Frasier: Are you speaking of the frothy musical adaptation, or the
baseball team of which I know nothing?
Mike: What a weenie! [hangs up]
Frasier: Doesn't that take me back? But he brings up a good point.
You see, while I'm on the air, please feel free to call up
about anything other than sports. Please. [takes a call]
Hello, you're on the air.
Jake: [v.o.] Yeah. You think it was a good idea for the Sonics to
give up those draft choices so they could free up some money
under the cap, you know, to go after a wide body to help them
in the paint?
Frasier: [staring straight ahead, completely and utterly lost] Yes!
[takes another call] You're on the air.
CUT TO:
The scene switches to the men's bathroom. Roz rushes in to try and
find Bulldog who is hiding in a stall. There is a man standing at
the urinal.
Roz: Bulldog, I know you're in there. Get out here! [turns to
see the man who doesn't look pleased to see her] Oh, give me
a break, Leonard — like you haven't fantasized about this
moment.
Bulldog: Go away, Roz.
Roz: Will you grow up? So you got dumped. You got a little
payback for the way you've treated women all your life.
Besides, the Bulldog I know doesn't get sad. He gets angry.
Bulldog: You're right! [shouting violently:] THIS STINKS! THIS IS
TOTAL... [breaks down again] ...total B.S.
Niles wanders in and stares at the scene unfolding before him.
Roz: If you don't come out in the next thirty seconds I'm going to
reach in there and grab you out by your ankles!
Niles: Hello, Roz. Playing hard to get?
Roz: It's Bulldog. You're a psychiatrist, help him.
Niles: As distressed as I am by his condition, he's not the only one
who's suffering here. In eight minutes Frasier and I are
going to lose our patio table.
Roz: Well, as long as Frasier is filling in for Bulldog you're not
going anywhere.
Niles looks shocked and turns to help Bulldog while brushing Roz
out the bathroom.
Niles: You poor man. Help is at hand!
Bulldog: No, no shrinks. I hate shrinks. You're all a bunch of wimps,
weirdos... [comes out the cubicle and collapses in tears on
Niles's shoulders] Help me!
Niles: There, there. I'm here for you. [pushes Bulldog away] And
you're over there for me. Well, I sense you're in a great
deal of pain.
Bulldog: Yeah. Make it stop.
Niles: No. The first step towards healing is not to bury the pain,
but to feel it at its fullest depth.
Bulldog lets out a wild scream that completely scares Niles.
Niles: OK, well before security arrives, let's skip onto step two.
Frasier charges in.
Frasier: What is going on?
Niles: Excuse me, Bulldog. Frasier, please, we are in session.
Frasier: Look, Niles, we have to pull this man together in minutes,
not in a lifetime!
Niles: How dare you talk to me like that!
Niles and Frasier proceed to argue loudly while Bulldog remains
curled up on the bathroom floor.
Frasier: We don't have the time for this. Now get out!
Niles: All right, all right. Bulldog, I'm referring you to my
brother. Frasier, I'll call Francois and tell him there's
been a death in the family. That ought to buy us another
ten minutes.
Niles rushes out, leaving a depressed Bulldog and a stressed Frasier.
Frasier: All right, Bulldog. Look, we're on a newsbreak. You have
got to pull yourself together, because there is no way I'm
enduring anymore of that humiliation!
Bulldog: I'm not going out there, man.
Frasier: You have got to! I can't even decipher the abbreviations on
the scoresheets. I'm guessing by your producer's guffaws
that "IND" is not the Cleveland Independents!
Bulldog: I just never felt this way about a chick before. I was even
thinking about me and her having kids. Isn't that scary?
Frasier: Positively bone chilling.
Bulldog: [weeping] It hurts like hell.
Frasier: I know, I know, Bulldog. You know, often through pain we
can achieve emotional growth. It reminds me of a paper I
recently presented to the Vancouver Psychiatric Association.
The ground of my discourse was that the sufferer - i.e.,
you...
Bulldog: Doc, Doc, you're hurting my head here! Can you stop being a
shrink and just be like a guy.
Frasier: [thinking] Like a guy... Like a guy... [pauses for a moment]
SCREW HER!
Bulldog: What?
Frasier: [angrily] Yeah, you don't need her. She's trash!
Bulldog: Yeah, that's right.
Frasier: You're better off without her, we both are!
Bulldog: I like the sound of this.
Frasier: Yeah, so do I. Unattractive yet liberating, rather like the
one and only time I wore a European bathing suit. [realising
he's going off track] I'm sorry. SHE'S A BITCH!
Bulldog: Hey, she wasn't even that hot.
Frasier: You're right. All she did was save you the trouble of having
to dump her!
Bulldog: [upbeat] I never thought about that.
Frasier: There you go!
Bulldog: I'm feeling a little better, Doc.
Frasier: That's right.
Bulldog leaves the bathroom followed by Frasier.
Bulldog: Thanks. It's great talking to you [holds out his hand]
Frasier: [shaking his hand] Likewise. You know I could talk like this
for another [checks his watch] thirty seconds.
The scene switches to the booth as Frasier and Bulldog walk in and
Bulldog takes his seat for the show.
Frasier: She was nothing! She was less than nothing!
Bulldog: Yeah, right.
Frasier: Tomorrow you're gonna find someone even hotter, and you know
what you're gonna do?
Bulldog: What?
Frasier: You're gonna have your fun with her, and then you're gonna
DUMP her just for the hell of it!
Bulldog: Yeah, DUMP HER!
Frasier: And you know what?! You're not gonna feel bad about it at
all! And you know why?! BECAUSE WE'RE GUYS! AND THAT'S
WHAT GUYS DO!!!!!
Bulldog raises his arms in joy and lets out a dog howl. Frasier
about turns and walks out the booth, meeting Niles.
Niles: Distressing news, Frasier: Francois gave away our table.
Frasier: SCREW HIM!
Niles: [shocked] Excuse me?
Frasier: You heard what I said! We don't need him or his stinky
little restaurant! There are plenty of restaurants in town!
I say we go somewhere we don't even need a reservation!
Niles slaps Frasier, snapping him out of it.
Frasier: Thank you, Niles.
Niles: You're welcome.
Frasier: Yes, you know, if we hasten, perhaps we can catch the first
seating at Cigar Volante.
Frasier and Niles run out the corridor, both with fairly prancing
gaits.
End of Act 2
Credits:
Frasier puts on his stereo and starts playing air violin while Eddie
just sits back and watches. Frasier notices Eddie watching but this
only encourages him as he takes out a handkerchief and places it on
his shoulder to make the whole thing look more realistic. Niles is
watching the whole thing from the sofa and gets up and joins Frasier
in playing air violin. Eddie simply buries his head in the sofa.
Guest Appearances
Guest Starring
JEN CAMPBELL as Sharon
MICHAEL WHALEY as Pete
KAY E. KUTER as Tramp
Guest Callers
MARV ALBERT as Jerry
JULIUS "Dr. J" ERVING as Mike
BOB COSTAS as Jake
Thanks To...
Transcript written by IAIN MCCALLUM
Edited by NICHOLAS HARTLEY
Revised by MICHAEL LEE
Legal Stuff
This episode capsule is copyright 2000 by "The Frasier Files".
This episode summary remains property of Frasier, Copyright
of Paramount Productions and NBC. Printed without permission.